No AC for me.

There is an apartment across the courtyard from me that is already running their air conditioner. Really? It is only 68 degrees outside, I just checked the weather. I have my windows open and am loving it. I have an occasional breeze blow through, and I can hear the traffic and the world living right outside.

Now I realize this time last year I would have given my right arm for refridgerated air. And probably in a month or two I'm going to be singing a different tune.

But right now I love this.

For cancers on 5/26/09

I read horoscopes out of nothing but curiousness. My favorite is the City Pages, they are creative, funny, and use cultural references to tell your future. Some times I cut them out and keep them. But when I go back I usually don't remember why I cut them out in the first place.

This was my horoscope from the Star Tribune yesterday.

"It's easier to start over at square one than it is to fix a problem. You'll get a "do-over" in a relationship. This time, let your defenses down and show up just as you feel, no pretense. You're loveable."

I don't know what the do-over is. I'm not looking to much into it. But I love love love the fact that it ends with the simple fact that I'm loveable. Everyone should be told that.

A little validation

I walked out of work today and there were a handful of people standing on the corner and looking up at the sky. "What'cha'll staring at?" I asked. And they smiled and pointed up at the tallest building in Minneapolis, the IDS. It's 50 stories tall and if you've never seen it before and suddenly find yourself standing underneath it, it's kind of cool. They had cameras out and were taking pictures. I found out that they were from Albuquerque, New Mexico and were in town for a national volleyball competition. One of them said "We've never seen buildings this tall before. We don't have them in New Mexico." And I commented that I lived there for a year and half and wasn't too found of it. They agreed, "Yeah it kind of sucks." they said. They said that no one down there really cares about others and people here are so nice and welcoming. "Minneapolis is great." They said. I smiled, told them to try to go to the top of the building and check out the view, and wished them a good rest of the visit. They thanked me and we both went on our merry ways.

It's nice to know that my dislike for that state isn't just me.

Freedom Writers

I just watched the movie Freedom Writers. It's amazing. That is the type of teacher I want to be. I want to listen to kids, they all have something to say.

I teared up several times during the film. And then I've been watching the special features and all the kids who played the real Freedom Writers have had similar struggles has the characters they played. And that was just by happenstance.

It takes so much courage to speak up and be heard. And I wish there were more people around who would listen to the kids of today.

There was a kid in Las Cruces who I caught stealing from my work. I gave him and his friend the benefit of the doubt, and greeted them and then chose not to follow them around the music department. And sure enough, they did exactly as I thought and stole a rap CD. I was so mad that I went out in the mall and found both of the kids, brought them back to the store. They both were questioned by the police, and then the one who stole was taken out in handcuffs, and taken down to juvie to wait for him mom. It was one of the saddest things I had seen. He was a registered runaway, and was still in the clothes that they last saw him in. He wasn't even 18. I was so mad about the fact that I chose not to put a stereotype on them, and then they go a prove me right. I asked "Why did you do it? Are you bored?" And he nodded, sheepishly. Then I hollered "You need a hobby!" What he really needed was someone to listen. Someone to care. And maybe something constructive to put his energy in wouldn't hurt either.

I need to read the book The Freedom Writer's Diary. I've been wanting to pick it up since it first came out. And I need to look into going back to school for my education degree. I should've done that in the first place. Shoulda coulda woulda. But I can do it now.

5/20/09

So I got up this morning with nothing on my agenda. After watching Ellen, having some coffee I gathered up my things and got on the 2 bus.

With no destination in mind I decided to get off the bus when either the route ended or I saw a non-chain coffee shop out the window. The coffee shop came first and I got off the bus in the Cedar/Riverside neighborhood. I went to a place called Mapps Coffee and Tea. (Why it's spelled with 2 p's I have no idea.) I got a coffee and a little tasty pastry and sat and finished a book. Then I pulled out my computer and wrote for a while.

One of my writing books has all these "Try this" exercises within the chapters and one of them is to sit down and start with "I want to write" and go from there. So I did. I am choosing not to share it here for my own reasons but it felt good to get some well articulated thoughts down on a topic that is very much in the front of my mind.

When I finished I packed up my things and started walking. I ended up walking all the way home through downtown. It took me about an hour and a half and I was nearly knocked over by the wind. And my feet have gotten a brutal awakening for flip flop seasons. They are dirty with a few worn spots from the straps of the flip flops. But I loved it. It was a nice walk.

I also stopped at the Minneapolis Public Library. I had never been there before. It's huge and a bit intimidating with ALL it's books. I didn't really know where to go to look for anything but also didn't really know what I was looking for. I sat and read for a bit and then continued on my way.

It's now only 4pm and I have walked my city. I still have yoga tonight and am going to dance/walk to that with my Ipod.

It was a nice few hours alone. I don't mind spending time by myself. But I haven't spoken in several hours and that is rare for me. Today is a good day for me to sit in my head and think.

A little bitterness ahead - beware

So I was going to watch the movie P.S. I Love You with Hilary Swank and gorgeous Gerard Butler! (I'm talking in-my-dreams-gorgeous) But that is sooooooo not what I need right now. I do not need a girl chick flick where the man loves loves loves her all the time and wants nothing but her. Just her.

I need a good men-suck flick right now. And I'm lacking on those in my house so, I opted for the next best thing. Sex and the City. More specifically the episode where Burger breaks up with Carrie on a post-it. I'm probably going to go through the series and see what other episodes I can find where the men live up to my real life right now.

I can thank the guy friends I have in my life for being straight with me. I can ask them something and they won't beat around the bush and the best part is that they will reaffirm my thoughts that "that guy sucks."

OK, the show just ended. That worked. :-) Moving on to the next episode.

Just a bit of self-loathing

I consider myself a fairly bright person but there are some things I just don't get. For example, if you say you're going to call, then do it. Call. Pick up the phone, dial the number and call. Damnit.

Don't use the phrase "I'll give you a call" or anything even remotely close to that if you really know that you're not going to do it. A simple take care, or this was fun, or anything else not involving future plans would do the sign off just fine.

I just don't understand it. I have been sitting in a mind boggling frustration for over a week, waiting for a cute boy to call like he said he would. And you know what pisses me off even more? Is the fact that it bothers me at all. It was only a few dates but it was so much fun. So fun. And yet I dwell on it and my mind comes up with all these reasons, when in all actuality it's simple.

And I'm going to say it...

He's just not that into me.

Damnit. It happened again. What the F?

OK. I'm getting over it. Moving on. Right? Right.