A Collection of Thoughts

A few years ago I took a writing class just to do something for myself. A part of me was also hoping at the end of that class I'd magically have an editor, publisher and 3 book deals in my grasp. Alas. I learned one has to work for those things. Yet I still write, again because I can.

During this writing class I used to have to take my computer out of the apartment because I would find everything to do in the house but write. Oh hey, I haven't scrubbed the toilet in a long time. Or you know what, I should arrange my CD's according to genre. Or maybe I'll try and clean the outside of my windows on my second floor apartment. So I'd make myself leave the house with just my class materials, an inspirational book or two, my computer and I'd leave the charger at home. Not only would I have to write because there was nothing else to do, but I'd also have to beat the clock. Finish the assignment before my battery died. The tactic worked. I completed my assignment. I completed the course. And I still write.

Tonight, I'm on my deck. The same deck my grandpa and his friends built when I was 9 years old. That is so awesome. Every day Chuck and I talk about how grateful and lucky we are to be in this house. Mom, again and again, THANK YOU. I just went for a run, am feeling calm and refreshed at the moment and am waiting for my partner in crime to come home with wine and dinner. Lucky indeed.

That calm and refreshed feeling is so valued right now because I've been feeling very tightly wound lately. Work is stressful and I am counting down the days till my vacation. When I'm not at work, I'm trying hard to disengage from it. You know you work too much and need some time away when you dream about work. A few nights ago it was dream after dream of all the ways, ridiculous as they could get, that my milk order could get messed up. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to dream about ordering milk?! There is so much I'm trying to do, so many things to check off my list, so many people to be in continuous contact with, and I'm tired. I'm trying to be more organized to see if that cuts down on my stress and makes me prioritize. I think it's working, although I've only been doing it for a week.

You know what is wonderful right now? THE WEATHER! I tell you, last week when it snowed, I would've given a finger for some 80 degree weather. I saw something on line that said "The first person to complain about the heat this summer is getting punched." I concur. I painted my toes on Friday, put on some peep-toe shoes, a tank top with a loose sweater and I rocked out this warm weather! It was fantastic!

I'm really looking forward to my vacation in a month. We're going to Chicago for a friend's wedding and making a little trip out of it. It's a Sunday night wedding, we're going there on Friday, hopefully seeing a baseball game, going to that big metal bean thing in downtown, and my BFF Ryan will be with us too. And then Sunday rocking it out with the best of friends as another one gets hitched. I'm just so excited to be away from things for a while. I need to disengage. Mostly from work. Note to self, 9 months is too long to not have more than 2 days off a week.

It's getting dark and a tad chilly. And I want to go read my book. The Lost Van Gogh, a suspense, mystery thriller involving murder and a discovered Van Gogh art piece. Think Da Vinci Code sans religion. May this week be good to you and that you find time to be calm and refreshed as well.

April 18th, 2013

This is what today has become. A f***ing blizzard. IN APRIL! That is some serious bullshit.

3 things that piss me off about this weather.
1. I am so damn tired of putting on a coat and having a hat and mittens readily available and my boots still sitting by the door.
2. I refuse to shovel which in turn means that Chuck has to. Well he doesn't have to but because he's a good person he does. And I feel bad that I'm not doing. (But not bad enough to actually do it. So maybe this isn't too bad.)
3. It's April. I want to garden. I want my windows open and my music being heard down the block. I want fresh air coming into my house. And I CAN'T BECAUSE IT'S FREAKING SNOWING!!! all caps means I'm yelling.

Moving on.

3 things that were good about today.
1. Work went well, I was able to work my way through last month's profit and loss statement myself. It felt good, I've never been good at breaking down my business numbers-wise, but today I did it and I mostly knew what I was talking about.
2. I came home to my whole family sitting on the couch. The girls are here for the night and it's a bit of a busier house when they are here. I like it.
3. I'm still reading a really good book. I want an afternoon to just finish it but I don't want it to end. I love that.


And this is just a bit of good nerdy book humor. This happened to me yesterday during lunch. Middle of my book, an oh shit moment, and everyone in the restaurant is going on like nothing happened!

Same Love

This song.

Gets me every time. Listen to the words. Then go back and listen again.

Love is patient. Love is kind.

3 Good Things

I've been having an internal tug-of-war for a while now. One side, I love my life. On the other, people are getting pregnant, engaged, married and I'm doing none with no plans for any of that.

I know, I know. Waaaahhhhhmmmbulance. Cry me a river, grass is always greener, these are first world problems, bla bla bla. But doesn't a girl get a little "when is it my turn?" whining once in a while?

No? Not at all? Well apparently not. Because a few nights ago when I was silently crying in bed and Chuck noticed, he hugged me and said "Babe, we have it good. We don't need to be married to have a healthy relationship. We have a good house filled with love and 2 children that need us. Now go to sleep, it will all seem small in the morning."

And he was right. Damnit. I'm lucky in love in so many ways. Now quit yer bithcin', Riley. (I even wrote a whole post all woe-is-me that night. Have since deleted it. Turns out all that was a moo point. A cow's opinion. Just didn't matter after a bit.)

So in the spirit of years past, when I was down and out and needed self-help cheering-up, here are my 3 good things from today.
1. I wore bright blue tights and dress to work today. With the snow in April, I woke up and looked out the window and thought "Screw you Mother Nature. I'm looking cute today."
2. I got in some solid reading time today. I'm reading the newest Jodi Picoult book. I love her writing. And after this, I'll probably get in some solid reading time in bed. With wine.
3. I talked on the phone with my best friend tonight. It was only 13 minutes and it was mostly about a trip we're all going on next month, but God, I love talking to him. It's like we saw each other yesterday, we laugh and make fun of each other in an adoration sort of way.

Life is good. Life keeps moving. I just need to stay in it and focused on the awesome.

Hello Running, I've Missed You

"No on should run unless being chased with a knife."

Man, am I eating those words now. Thank god. Thank myself for doing it. Thank my partner for pushing me. Thank my boss for getting me into my first 5K. Thank my own will to not give up. I'm a runner.

Or at least I was. And then I moved out of an apartment that had a treadmill and into a house that only had, god forbid, just the outside. Gasp! And then winter came. I hate winter for the fact that running is harder in the cold and snow. I haven't run in months and I have no reason except excuses.

So today I ran. And it was awesome. I ran without thinking "I'll walk at the next block." Instead it was "I think I'll run for one more block before I turn for home." It was refreshing and uplifting and so good to feel in my body and know in my heart that I still got it. Running wasn't a fluke for me last summer. Running has become something I like and I have missed for the past few months. It's something that I think I need to do. It's something I feel I need to do.

Today I ran. I ran in a sweatshirt that was too big, pants that were too short and leg warmers that eventually became just ankle warmers but I ran. No matter the flood pants or the baggy shirt, I'm back to running! I've missed it.

Fancy Tradition

My family. They are so precious and wonderful and loved. We were headed out to see the Christmas Carol with my mom and her beau on the first big snow of the season. I needed a picture of us, this was the nicest all four of us had looked at once, ever. It needed to be documented.

My mom has taken me to see the Christmas Carol at the Guthrie Theatre every year since I was 8. It's one of my favorite things about the holidays. Some of my favorite memories involve this play. I used to love to watch the Ghost of Christmas Present change every year, I remember trying to watch just the narrator on stage during one scene (he always wound up as the Ghost of Christmas Future and I was determined to watch him sneak into the back of the costume) and not being able to do so, looking at all the over-priced gifts in the gift shop, trying to decide between a cookie or a brownie. It is one of my favorite repetitive memories with my mom. And we've now incorporated Chuck, the girls and my mom's beau as well. It's a family thing. Chuck and I took the girls new-fancy-dress shopping a few days before too. I think we're going to make that part of our holiday traditions as well. The shopping was fun, I got new shoes, watching Lily run around the dressing room with each dress she tried on was so cute, and Kira trying to decide between the gold or the silver dress, such decisions.

This picture is now framed on our mantle and it makes me smile inside and out every time I look at it.

Passionate

I work in coffee and have been in retail for 15 years but I tend to think of it as a people business that happens to serve coffee. I like people, I think they are interesting, I like to know what makes them tick, biologically and in matters of the heart. When I interview I have two questions that are the make or break questions of the interview and neither of them involve the product I sell.

1. Why do you want to work for this company?
If they are not totally stoked to be given the chance to come work for a company they admire, love, shop at, etc, and they just want a job, then I don't want them. I asked someone that many years ago and her answer was "My mom says I need to get a job." My response, "OK, we won't be calling you." I need my interviewee to want the job not just a job.

And 2. What are you passionate about?
If you have books upon books of stamp collections and you think there is no better animal than gerbils, that is great, you are so into something that there is no shame in telling anyone who asks. I asked that question to someone last year and he turned the color of a ripe tomato and as silent as one as well. That right there sealed the deal that I didn't want him as part of my team. You don't always have to be passionate about the job you have or the product you sell to get a job but you have to be passionate about something.

Which in turns bring me to my thought which started this post in the first place, passion, the fuel in your soul and the wind at your back to get you up and moving every day. I think if you don't have something to fuel your daily life, how do you ever expect to get anywhere? If money was no object, where would you invest your time and energy? Would you continue to be in the same job, living in the same city, doing what you do day in and day out?

People say that if they won the lottery they'd stop working, which I think couldn't be any closer to truth, but would you really have nothing that made you get out of bed every day? Would you move somewhere warm so you could garden everyday or would you stay where you are and get a groundskeeper job like Forrest Gump, just because you liked cutting the grass? Would you actually help those in need and volunteer like you have always said you would? Would you go open that wine tasting bar in an old house and invite local musicians to play on Friday and Saturday nights?

Passions can change. Says the girl who has a degree of the theatre masks on her ankle and a degree in it as well and who hasn't done a show in at least 5 years. What would I do if money was no object? Oh goodness, so many things! I might give acting a try (rejection is a bit easier when you don't have heat to pay and insurance to keep.) I'd travel for sure, I mean who wouldn't??!! But I'd take a class where ever I go, art history in Italy, World War II class in Germany, cooking in France, etc etc etc. I'd try out a self-employment idea that has been in my head for the past couple of years, a social butterfly sort of thing. I'd invest more time and more time into the story line that has been in my imagination for about 10 years. (I tried to write it as a play once and two scenes in I realized it was all stage direction. Uh, Riley a play needs the characters to talk to each other to tell the story. Novel it is then.) I might take a vacation with no end date. I might take all the road trips across the country that I wanted. The list could go on and on. I think it could be quite fun to literally be a student of the world.

I'm passionate about learning, people, growth, success, differences, similarities, human connection, food, coffee, reading, knowledge, hugs, love. If someone knows of a job that encompasses all of that, let me know. I could climb to the top of that corporate ladder quicker than anyone!