So I am going out on the town tonight, looking fierce and prepared to have a fantastic time! As I'm getting ready I kept thinking "I'm not feeling this outfit." It just wasn't speaking to me, it wasn't saying "Fierce." But then I put on the shoes, my knee-high black boots and suddenly it was an attitude change and the ensemble felt complete.
I realize men may have no idea what I'm talking about. Which is why they have asked why do women have so many pairs of shoes.
Right here my friends, is the answer.
Shoes are the only thing that we know we can always put on, and we won't feel fat, there won't be water weight, it's not a bad hair day. We know shoes will always fit and 99% of the time will give us the feeling of power, or comfort, or sass, or whatever it is we need to feel at the moment. We have so many pairs to go with the many emotions that run through our lives.
My knee-high boots make me feel hot and sassy and help me walk with a bit more of a pep to my step. Look out folks, these boots are made for walkin'...
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
1/29/09
There are two kinds of human hearts that reside within each of us. The one that is about the size of a fist, beats all the time, and keeps the blood flowing through your body. The other is quietly hidden, doesn't make much noise, and I think is one of the most individually designed pieces of the human body. Like a finger print, it has a look about it that is like nothing else. It's the one that we wear on our sleeve, that we pick up off the floor when it's ripped out and stomped on. It's the one that miraculously never dies, and somehow survives the worst wars.
I think this other heart is like the moon, it has two faces. One side is the one that we choose to show most people, perhaps has a face in it like "the man in the moon", it's the side that faces outward most of the time. The other side is filled with battle wounds from past heart-breaks, gets hit over and over from words and actions that should never have been uttered in the first place. And yet this other side is strong and never turns away. It's sole purpose is to defend the other less pock marked side so when someone new gets a glimpse of that heart they see something individual and interesting and not yet damaged.
But my question is will there come a time when your heart gets hit enough that that strong side will just give out? And you end up walking around with the broken pieces in a jar and no idea how to put it all back together. There are only so many times that your heart can be put out, hit squarely in the middle, heal, and then go back out in the open again before you decide to tuck it away and protect it for a long time.
In an odd way it's comforting to know that we are not alone. Everyone gets hit, everyone suffers pain and heart break, and everyone will put it out there again in hopes that something amazing will come of it. But it doesn't make the hurtful hits an easier.
I think this other heart is like the moon, it has two faces. One side is the one that we choose to show most people, perhaps has a face in it like "the man in the moon", it's the side that faces outward most of the time. The other side is filled with battle wounds from past heart-breaks, gets hit over and over from words and actions that should never have been uttered in the first place. And yet this other side is strong and never turns away. It's sole purpose is to defend the other less pock marked side so when someone new gets a glimpse of that heart they see something individual and interesting and not yet damaged.
But my question is will there come a time when your heart gets hit enough that that strong side will just give out? And you end up walking around with the broken pieces in a jar and no idea how to put it all back together. There are only so many times that your heart can be put out, hit squarely in the middle, heal, and then go back out in the open again before you decide to tuck it away and protect it for a long time.
In an odd way it's comforting to know that we are not alone. Everyone gets hit, everyone suffers pain and heart break, and everyone will put it out there again in hopes that something amazing will come of it. But it doesn't make the hurtful hits an easier.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
My neighbors
People amaze me. Or maybe I should say people make me wonder. I've already mentioned the stripper who lives upstairs. (Who, by the way, I had to go tell her to turn her music down at 2:30 in the morning last night. Seriously, it's common sense to have "quiet time" during the wee hours of the night.) But the girl who lives across the hall from me, wow is she a character.
I have been woken up in the morning by her screaming. I opened my door because I thought someone was going to get physically hurt and I hear her on the phone with some guy named Paul. I only know his name because she mentioned it but also she had the phone on speaker so I was lucky enough to hear both sides of the conversation. Apparently she is having money troubles. And these troubles send her into hysterics. Her voice gets all high and really loud and her sentences run on about her finances. And Paul stayed nice and calm on the phone, refusing to give in, and refusing to join the hysteria. And believe me I stood right in my door way and listened. If you are going to be loud enough to wake me up and dumb enough to have the other person on speaker so we know exactly what you are talking about, we all have the right to eavesdrop.
Now, you are probably thinking what would I do if someone did that to me? See the last sentence of the above paragraph.
I have had another run in with Nutty from across the hall. A few days ago I was home sick and napping and again she woke me up but this time she was singing. I like singing, so I wanted to know what tune she had choosen. (Warning, what I am going to quote here is for mature audiences only.) This is what I heard coming from behind closed doors but no doubt from her mouth "Shit, piss, cock sucker, mother fucker, twat." And so on and so on. She would pause and then sing-song these words "I fucked your mom." I was so shocked I had to tell someone. So I called my mom. Mom has been briefed in Nutty's behavior before and I thought she'd get a kick out of it.
This is where it gets interesting. While on the phone with my mom, I step out into the hall to see if I can hear more so mom can hear it over the phone for herself. And Nutty opens her door. I casually turn and go back into my place. (Note to self, if you want to eavesdrop on your neighbors don't do it where they can be aware of it.) And not less than a minute later there is a knock on my door. I hang up the phone, put on my robe, take a deep breath and open the door. She is tiny, dark haired, dressed in a ripped t-shirt and flannel pants and she has a crazed glint in her eye. "Hi. My name is Grace and I figured I should introduce myself." she says in full voice whilst thrusting her hand out to meet mine. I shake it and say hello. She continues on with she doesn't mean to offend me, she tries to keep her noise to the daylight hours, doesn't party late at night, and she just figured she should introduce herself. I respond with "What you do doesn't offend me. But I can hear everything you say." At that point she seemed to get flustered and didn't know what to do or say. She said something about thin walls, that she hoped I had a nice day, and then turned and left. I think she was embarrassed mostly. I never gave her my name.
Lessons learned here, one must be sneaky when eavesdropping on ones neighbors and if you are going to broadcast your dirty lyrics or your financial woes you may want to do it in your "indoor voice."
I have been woken up in the morning by her screaming. I opened my door because I thought someone was going to get physically hurt and I hear her on the phone with some guy named Paul. I only know his name because she mentioned it but also she had the phone on speaker so I was lucky enough to hear both sides of the conversation. Apparently she is having money troubles. And these troubles send her into hysterics. Her voice gets all high and really loud and her sentences run on about her finances. And Paul stayed nice and calm on the phone, refusing to give in, and refusing to join the hysteria. And believe me I stood right in my door way and listened. If you are going to be loud enough to wake me up and dumb enough to have the other person on speaker so we know exactly what you are talking about, we all have the right to eavesdrop.
Now, you are probably thinking what would I do if someone did that to me? See the last sentence of the above paragraph.
I have had another run in with Nutty from across the hall. A few days ago I was home sick and napping and again she woke me up but this time she was singing. I like singing, so I wanted to know what tune she had choosen. (Warning, what I am going to quote here is for mature audiences only.) This is what I heard coming from behind closed doors but no doubt from her mouth "Shit, piss, cock sucker, mother fucker, twat." And so on and so on. She would pause and then sing-song these words "I fucked your mom." I was so shocked I had to tell someone. So I called my mom. Mom has been briefed in Nutty's behavior before and I thought she'd get a kick out of it.
This is where it gets interesting. While on the phone with my mom, I step out into the hall to see if I can hear more so mom can hear it over the phone for herself. And Nutty opens her door. I casually turn and go back into my place. (Note to self, if you want to eavesdrop on your neighbors don't do it where they can be aware of it.) And not less than a minute later there is a knock on my door. I hang up the phone, put on my robe, take a deep breath and open the door. She is tiny, dark haired, dressed in a ripped t-shirt and flannel pants and she has a crazed glint in her eye. "Hi. My name is Grace and I figured I should introduce myself." she says in full voice whilst thrusting her hand out to meet mine. I shake it and say hello. She continues on with she doesn't mean to offend me, she tries to keep her noise to the daylight hours, doesn't party late at night, and she just figured she should introduce herself. I respond with "What you do doesn't offend me. But I can hear everything you say." At that point she seemed to get flustered and didn't know what to do or say. She said something about thin walls, that she hoped I had a nice day, and then turned and left. I think she was embarrassed mostly. I never gave her my name.
Lessons learned here, one must be sneaky when eavesdropping on ones neighbors and if you are going to broadcast your dirty lyrics or your financial woes you may want to do it in your "indoor voice."
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Theatre
I was at my "second" job last night. And I use the quotes because I rarely work there, honestly don't want to work there, and have a very bitter taste in my mouth when I talk about it. I work box office at Illusion Theatre, I have been with them on and off for 10 years. I started as a shop intern for two summers in college and have done running crew for one other show and numerous box office appearances since. My heart just isn't in the box office position. It never has been. Some people like to be paid to sit around and do nothing for the majority of the time they are at work, it drives me crazy. It is also a tad frustrating that I gave that company my resume countless times throughout college and after to do more intense technical work for them and their productions and I was never asked to join their staff. Now, one could say that I didn't pursue it hard enough, which may be true. But you'd stop pursuing something too if you saw no response from the company, right?
I used to work box office because I thought it'd be my "in" with them. But it turns out I'm just another one who gives tickets to patrons and counts money at the end of the night. Which is a needed job and I commend the people that do do it. But it's not for me. Every time I sign myself up for a shift and that night comes I piss and moan about how I don't want to go.
I know I have taken a hiatus from theatre, but I'm starting to think I'd like to get back into it. And I'd like it not to be doing box office. I want to be on running crew, run a board or a spot for a show, perhaps even act. I haven't acted in 7 or 8 years, haven't auditioned in at least 10, have no head shot and no clue how to get started. But it could be exciting to be doing what I claimed was my passion for so long, but with a fresh face turned to it.
It's been on my mind for a while now, this is the first time I've put it down in words. I guess now I'm committed. I have to do something or I'll have to eat my words later on.
I used to work box office because I thought it'd be my "in" with them. But it turns out I'm just another one who gives tickets to patrons and counts money at the end of the night. Which is a needed job and I commend the people that do do it. But it's not for me. Every time I sign myself up for a shift and that night comes I piss and moan about how I don't want to go.
I know I have taken a hiatus from theatre, but I'm starting to think I'd like to get back into it. And I'd like it not to be doing box office. I want to be on running crew, run a board or a spot for a show, perhaps even act. I haven't acted in 7 or 8 years, haven't auditioned in at least 10, have no head shot and no clue how to get started. But it could be exciting to be doing what I claimed was my passion for so long, but with a fresh face turned to it.
It's been on my mind for a while now, this is the first time I've put it down in words. I guess now I'm committed. I have to do something or I'll have to eat my words later on.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Tomorrow is a new start
Tomorrow history will be made. Our first black president will be sworn in and it feels great that I did my part to put him there. I don't expect to wake up on Wednesday with the state of the nation having immediately changed but I feel the way I did the day after Obama was announced as our President Elect. I feel hopeful and confident in where we as a country can go. I have more patience and expectations that promises will be fulfilled than I ever have before. It also has helps that this was the first election where I really listened, I really cared. But one of the main reasons I did that was the fact that I felt Obama spoke to me, in words I could understand and relate to. He has given me faith in the idea that we can come together as a country again, because we want to and not because we have to.
And I have to work tomorrow. My cafe boss is coming in for a visit and this will be the first time we have actually met. My store manager and his boss will be there too. So I'll just have to watch the inauguration speech online afterward.
But nonetheless, tomorrow is a new day. In so many wonderful ways!
Here is to you, my new Mr. President! I applaud you and am looking forward to your presidency.
And I have to work tomorrow. My cafe boss is coming in for a visit and this will be the first time we have actually met. My store manager and his boss will be there too. So I'll just have to watch the inauguration speech online afterward.
But nonetheless, tomorrow is a new day. In so many wonderful ways!
Here is to you, my new Mr. President! I applaud you and am looking forward to your presidency.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Ahhhh winter!
So the running joke with the majority of Minnesotans yesterday was that it was so warm outside! Oh we are a funny bunch. It was down right balmy! Now keep in mind that it was about a high of 21 which is 40 degrees warmer than it was two days ago! And it's still below freezing! Hilarious! But really I felt the need to not have my scarf wrapped as tightly as I did the day before, and could even go a little longer without my mittens on. Oh and I didn't have to have my wool sweater on underneath my coat. Joyous!
For those that opt for warmer climates you may think that this is me complaining and it is not. Most honest full-blooded Minnesotans love the winter and when we talk about it it's not complaints, it's just a very hot topic of conversation. (And I use the word "hot" simply for giggles sake) When it is this cold you are very aware of the temperature, very aware of your exposed body parts, and very aware an hour later when you have been inside and are still chilled to the bone. It makes for some great fashion with fun sweaters and big furry boots!
I sit here at my desk and watch big, fat, fluffy snow flakes fall from the sky. It's gorgeous! It almost makes me want to go for a walk. See when it's snowing out, it's a good temperature to get bundled up and go enjoy the lovely-ness before it gets either too dark, colder, or gray and sulshy from days of wear and tear. The sun has been trying to peak through but not succeeding so the sky is gray. But the falling snow makes up for the dreary color.
It's so nice to be back where actual snow falls and not spit from the sky (that is what the snow is like in Las Cruces). It's so nice to be back where other people enjoy the cold, where there are still things to do in the winter, where people know how to dress for it and where I can sit at my desk and watch the fluffy flakes land softly on the ground.
For those that opt for warmer climates you may think that this is me complaining and it is not. Most honest full-blooded Minnesotans love the winter and when we talk about it it's not complaints, it's just a very hot topic of conversation. (And I use the word "hot" simply for giggles sake) When it is this cold you are very aware of the temperature, very aware of your exposed body parts, and very aware an hour later when you have been inside and are still chilled to the bone. It makes for some great fashion with fun sweaters and big furry boots!
I sit here at my desk and watch big, fat, fluffy snow flakes fall from the sky. It's gorgeous! It almost makes me want to go for a walk. See when it's snowing out, it's a good temperature to get bundled up and go enjoy the lovely-ness before it gets either too dark, colder, or gray and sulshy from days of wear and tear. The sun has been trying to peak through but not succeeding so the sky is gray. But the falling snow makes up for the dreary color.
It's so nice to be back where actual snow falls and not spit from the sky (that is what the snow is like in Las Cruces). It's so nice to be back where other people enjoy the cold, where there are still things to do in the winter, where people know how to dress for it and where I can sit at my desk and watch the fluffy flakes land softly on the ground.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Mid-week
It's amazing when you look around at your life one day and realize that everything in it is just right. It's such a calming feeling. You enjoy getting up every day, you generally enjoy work, personally things are full of laughter, and when the sun shines it just makes it all that much better.
Good grief... if I'm too much for anyone, sorry. I might be too much for myself, but right not that is not the case.
I finished The Story of Edgar Sawtelle last night. It didn't end at all like the way I thought. I think I was hoping for a more happy ending because so much of the book was full of sadness and separation and dealing with the inevitable changes in life. So I guess the ending was fitting with the theme of the whole story. But it was all just so heart-wrenching that i was hoping for a pick me up at the end of the book. No luck there. I would still recommend this book, though. It's wonderfully written, and you really feel for the characters.
It's insanely cold here. You can tell it's cold in Minnesota when the weather is the top story on the evening news. The bitter chill beats out Iraq, the inauguration, the recession in hot topics of the day. But today it's actually lovely out. The sun is bright and gorgeous and there isn't a cloud in the sky. When the sun is out it makes the chill-you-to-the-bones temperature a bit more bare-able. I love it when it's like this. I know it seems that Minnesotans complain about the cold a lot. And it's not that we complain, it's more like it's cold for such a long period of time that it just becomes a conversation piece. Although come the end of March, I may change my tune.
It's my day off today and my mom came over and brought lunch. We watched her daily "story", which I think is ridiculous, but she says it's her escape. I also made some chocolate chip cookies. And if I do say so myself, I make a mean batch of cookies. They are soft and chewy and delicious! I hope I just made your mouth water, just a bit. I'm also going to finish my latest writing assignment today. This one especially has been very personal for me. It's been a challenge to make it good writing and not just me "getting stuff off my chest." But I think I've achieved that. I just need to go over it with fresh "eyes" today and see where I'm at.
Time to go be as studious as I know how and write write write!
Good grief... if I'm too much for anyone, sorry. I might be too much for myself, but right not that is not the case.
I finished The Story of Edgar Sawtelle last night. It didn't end at all like the way I thought. I think I was hoping for a more happy ending because so much of the book was full of sadness and separation and dealing with the inevitable changes in life. So I guess the ending was fitting with the theme of the whole story. But it was all just so heart-wrenching that i was hoping for a pick me up at the end of the book. No luck there. I would still recommend this book, though. It's wonderfully written, and you really feel for the characters.
It's insanely cold here. You can tell it's cold in Minnesota when the weather is the top story on the evening news. The bitter chill beats out Iraq, the inauguration, the recession in hot topics of the day. But today it's actually lovely out. The sun is bright and gorgeous and there isn't a cloud in the sky. When the sun is out it makes the chill-you-to-the-bones temperature a bit more bare-able. I love it when it's like this. I know it seems that Minnesotans complain about the cold a lot. And it's not that we complain, it's more like it's cold for such a long period of time that it just becomes a conversation piece. Although come the end of March, I may change my tune.
It's my day off today and my mom came over and brought lunch. We watched her daily "story", which I think is ridiculous, but she says it's her escape. I also made some chocolate chip cookies. And if I do say so myself, I make a mean batch of cookies. They are soft and chewy and delicious! I hope I just made your mouth water, just a bit. I'm also going to finish my latest writing assignment today. This one especially has been very personal for me. It's been a challenge to make it good writing and not just me "getting stuff off my chest." But I think I've achieved that. I just need to go over it with fresh "eyes" today and see where I'm at.
Time to go be as studious as I know how and write write write!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Since the last post....
I haven't blogged in a while, something my mother has pointed out. Which must mean I'm happy, she says. And I'll be darned, I think she's right!
My job is going well. I really feel like I have a good grasp on how to run my department and my employees. I just need to work on understanding the numbers/business side of it. I've never been good with numbers so I try to avoid it. But I've been told that ever since I came into the position there has never been so much laughter coming from the cafe. That is nice, it shows people are enjoying their job.
My writing has been a bit on the back burner. I've been busy getting settled into my place and my job and getting through the busy-ness of the holidays. I've had lots of ideas that I've written down, just haven't expanded on them yet. But I've got an assignment due in a little over a week, so that I've got to buckle down and do.
The book I'm reading, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle is wonderful! It flows well, I'm attached to the characters, and half of the characters are dogs and I still feel like I know them as well and the human characters. It's a story full of emotion and heart and such wonderful character development that it pulls at your heart strings.
Personally I feel settled, comfortable. Socially, I'm wide awake and loving every minute of it! I've met some new friends and gotten back in touch with old ones and because of that find myself with a smile on my face for a good chunk of the day. A day doesn't get much better than that!
My job is going well. I really feel like I have a good grasp on how to run my department and my employees. I just need to work on understanding the numbers/business side of it. I've never been good with numbers so I try to avoid it. But I've been told that ever since I came into the position there has never been so much laughter coming from the cafe. That is nice, it shows people are enjoying their job.
My writing has been a bit on the back burner. I've been busy getting settled into my place and my job and getting through the busy-ness of the holidays. I've had lots of ideas that I've written down, just haven't expanded on them yet. But I've got an assignment due in a little over a week, so that I've got to buckle down and do.
The book I'm reading, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle is wonderful! It flows well, I'm attached to the characters, and half of the characters are dogs and I still feel like I know them as well and the human characters. It's a story full of emotion and heart and such wonderful character development that it pulls at your heart strings.
Personally I feel settled, comfortable. Socially, I'm wide awake and loving every minute of it! I've met some new friends and gotten back in touch with old ones and because of that find myself with a smile on my face for a good chunk of the day. A day doesn't get much better than that!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
New years eve
My new years was a huge success! I did have a fantastic time, I did get drinks bought for me buy a cutie, and I did get kissed at midnight!
I also met some new girls who were really fun to hang out with. There were lots of pictures taken, and lots of laughter shared.
I've been saying since I moved back that this year is going to be my best yet and so far I'm on the up swing. Look out 2009, here I come!
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